..:: Ronnie James Dio Tribute – In Silly Bandz ::..

So, two important things happened: my daughter ranked in the top ten of second graders in a school-wide reading competition, and Ronnie James Dio died.  What bridges these two events is Silly Bandz — the shaped silicone bands that have an outrageous markup.  These suckers cost pennies to produce, but they run about $2.50 a dozen.  It’s great to prop up the failing Chinese economy and all, but c’mon.

Anyway, she got a pack of Rock Bandz which had microphones, drum kits, and most importantly FINGER HORNS!  I told her that Dio popularized the finger horns, and she wanted to do up a tribute.  And here it is.  Splayed out over our monitor.

I love my little head banger.

..:: My Doppelganger ::..

Everyone’s got a twin. Dude on the left looks so much like me, it’s scary. I would say he is my evil twin, but I’d probably be doing the same thing in his shoes. So, does that make me evil?

Logic just collapsed in on itself and boobies win every time, so the post stays.  If anyone has a bead on who that guy is, let me know. I totally want to party with him.

..:: Words Fail Me ::..

Late night… slept poorly… alarm goes off… grab clothes… shuffle downstairs… to fridge for Diet Coke caffeine fix… sit at computer… fire up Facebook… see friend request from dad… cold jolt of fear and adrenaline… google “end times” “revelations” “end of the world” “jumping the shark” “facebook”… return Diet Coke to fridge… make peace with my new reality… accept dad’s friend request.

Did NOT see today starting off like this.

..:: The Truth About Desitin ::..

As a repellent, it’s top notch — I have some of it stuck in my cuticles right now as I type.  Seriously, if we slather Desitin on the hulls of our America’s Cup entries we’ll beat the friggin’ Aussies. It’s great stuff, but I think it harbors a secret.

You can’t wash it off your hands easily, but you have to reapply it after every wet diaper.  So, urine causes it to break down to some extent.  Know what else breaks down when it gets peed on?  Jellyfish venom.  Your friend gets stung, they will beg you to pee on the wound.

Ipso facto, Desitin is made from jellyfish venom.  But it doesn’t show up on the label.

I think my job here is done.

..:: Parenting Do’s and Don’ts ::..

These have been kicking around for a while, and I’ve seen them from time to time.  I don’t know where they came from originally, so I can’t give credit where credit is due.

As the father of two and husband of one I think they’re a riot, because I’ve done about half the don’ts shown below.  Oh, the stories they’ll share in therapy in 20 years will be golden. Call up child services and I’ll deny everything.

..:: Kiddo’s Gonna Be OK ::..

So, Children’s wireless policy is insane.  I can’t connect to social networking sites, personal sites, or sites with questionable content.  So, Twitter and Facebook are out, but goddamnsonofabitch.com is A-OK.  Go figure.

Anyhoo, she’s doing as good as can be expected.  Her mouth had the hell sutured out of it, so she can’t swallow, move her tongue, cough, cry or breathe without any pain.  Three cheers for morphine and codine.  She’s in a fog, but unfortunately that’s what she needs at this point.

She’s been through the wringer today.  Very strong when we got here — didn’t fuss or cry when the strangers in blue started poking and prodding her in pre-op. She rolled with it, and I was proud.  Then she went off, got sliced, stretched and stitched, and she woke up with a look that I had after that lost weekend in Tijuana, and I was proud.

Then came the blood, spit and tears.

She took it all in stride.  She had every right to be scared… it’s not every day you get a uvula.  It’s not every day you can breathe like an average person. That you can swallow like an average person. And every breath and swallow hurt her more than I can imagine.  And the funny thing is, she didn’t seem to cry because she was in pain. She seemed annoyed by it. Like she was trying to think her way through it and rationalize it. I don’t think a nine-month old has ever been introspective, but mine was.

And I’m proud.  Sleep well, princess.  Daddy’s here at your side. You’ve earned your rest.

..:: @ The Inauguration Behind This Hat ::..

A great way to shake off some insomnia is looking at the unrealistically hi-def photo created at the innauguration.  It’s a composite image of 200+ 1,474 megapixel shots.  And holy crap, my Olympus is underpowered compared to this mofo.

Click here to check it out.  Word on the street is you can see Yo Yo Ma taking a picture with this iPhone.  Have at it.

Tip o’ the hat to SS for bringing it to my attention.

EDIT:  Found him

..:: I’ve Hit The End Of Facebook ::..

..:: Brad’s Facebook Friend Census – Results ::..

It took some time to compile, but I got yer results right here.  When I looked back this morning,  I lost a friend along the way, and my count as it stands right now at 199.  So, it’s not REALLY accurate, and was this gonna be scientific anyways?  I wasn’t wearing a lab coat, and had Erlenmeyer flasks bubbling over a Bunsen burner or anything.

Without any further adieu, here is my quantitative breakout of Facebook friends:

Total: 200
Male:  95 (47.5%)
Female: 105 (52.5%)

Friends I’ve worked with:  38 (19%)
Current coworkers:  12 (6%)
Former coworkers: 24 (12%)
Vendors/suppliers: 2 (1%)

Friends I know from school:  126 (63%)
Bentley College:  69 (34.5%)
Pinkerton Academy: 34 (17%)
Hood Jr. High:  11 (5.5%)
South Range Elementary:  10 (5%)
Nutfield Preschool/Kindergarten:  2 (1%)

Friends I’ve smoked with:  3 (1.5%)
Friends I’ve drank with:  101 (50.5%)
Friends I’ve seen in their underwear:  12 (6%)
Friends I’ve drank with in their underwear:  4 (2%)
Friends I’ve skied with:  21 (10.5%)
Friends I’ve hugged:  28 (14%)
Friends I’ve hugged while skiing:  0 (0%)
Friends met on the internet:  15 (7.5%)
Friends I’ve never actually met:  10 (5%)
Friends I’ve only seen once:  3 (1.5%)
Friends whose voices I have not heard in 10 years or more:  68 (34%)
Friends I’ve slept with:  28 (14%)
Friends with whom I have some kind of regret:  5 (2.5%)
Friends who have run over my foot:  3 (1.5%)
Friends who have run over my foot more than once: 1 (.5%, but 33% of the above)
Friends whose mom has bossed me around at some point: 4 (2%)
Friends I’ve made a border crossing with: 2 (1%)
Friends whose toothbrush I have used by accident: 2 (1%)
Friends who have heard the Croatian hermaphrodite story:  10 (5%)
Friends who are the mother of another friend:  3 (1.5%)
Friends who I thought I heard the last of until Facebook came around: 12 (6%)
Friends I only know through SWMBO:  5 (2.5%)
Friends who have put up with my shit in some form:  200 (100%)
Friends who have farted in front of me:  6 (3%)
Friends who know another friend in an inexplicable way: 4 (2%)
Friends in my freshman seminar class with me: 3 (1.5%)
Friends I’ve gone to the mall with: 6 (3%)

..:: The Grissom ::..

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