Late night… slept poorly… alarm goes off… grab clothes… shuffle downstairs… to fridge for Diet Coke caffeine fix… sit at computer… fire up Facebook… see friend request from dad… cold jolt of fear and adrenaline… google “end times” “revelations” “end of the world” “jumping the shark” “facebook”… return Diet Coke to fridge… make peace with my new reality… accept dad’s friend request.
Did NOT see today starting off like this.
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So, when I first heard about this possible appointment, I thought it was an Onion article. I mean really, who’d a thunk it? It’s not that big a stretch, I suppose. I mean Tony Snow took the press secretary gig, so if you call that logic, it seems to hold. It seems like they want to make the surgeon general gig more hip and fun.
In a similar vein, I have some other recommendations for cabinet positions:
Secretary of the Treasury: The Deal or No Deal Banker
Secretary of State: Samuel L. Jackson.
Secretary of Agriculture: Snoop Dogg.
Head of the CIA: Pinetta is out. Jack Bauer’s in.
Health and Human Services? Dr. Drew, baby.
When you’re starting up a blog, you want to get it in front of as many eyes as possible. Page views and click through rates on ads are key to justifying the whole thing. (So keep coming back and keep clicking anything that is of legitimate interest, OK people?)
This blog’s got it all. Cool name, awesome logo, color scheme and the kinds of nonsensical ramblings that I put out in real life. It should be pulling some serious views in the 18-34 demographic. Well, I’ve been telling everyone to check out my blog, cuz frankly it kicks serious ass. I even told my parents to check it out, and they gave that thoughtful and understanding “well, that sounds nice” that parents do. I could say “hey guys, I decapitated the mailman and put his head in with the cabbage in the produce section of the supermarket” and elicited the same response.
I didn’t know what to think when I started getting comments from them. The first one was understandable — a Timmy from South Park reference to my parents is like a caveman making sense of an Ikea bookshelf schematic. So to that, I’ll suggest going to urbandictionary.com and looking up Timmah, Dirty Sanchez, Cleveland Steamer and Rusty Trombone. It’s a brave new world, mom and dad.
But I think the ultimate post I’ve ever seen on this or any other page was the second comment. “Okay, she’s gone. Your ‘whateveryoucallit’ is nice. But, Mom reads it over my shoulder and ‘all the fucks look like shit!’
Love Ya, Dad.”
I have arrived when I put something together that makes my mom say “all the fucks look like shit.” I’m pretty sure none of this will ever make it to the refrigerator door, but that line alone is what Al Gore had in mind when he pushed through the bills to create what would eventually become the Internet.
[Sniff] Brings a tear to my eye.
