Archive for December, 2008.
Posted on December 30th, 2008 by Brad, Head SOB in
In The News Israel is like Paul Kersey in the Death Wish movies. Figure, the middle east is one of the rougher neighborhoods in the world. So one night Israel is walking home and gets jumped by Hamas and Hezbollah who pull knives on him and demand his watch. Israel, who just wants to be left alone, says “OK guys, be cool. Hang on a sec.” He reaches into his jacket, pulls out a .50 cal caps them in the kneecaps and says “fuck you, give me YOUR watches… and your wallets while you’re at it.”
I fucking LOVE Israel.
So, we were trying to identify the source of a funny smell in the living room. I thought for sure it had something to do with the ratemypoo.com hall of famer I made, or D2’s diaper. She went on the hunt sniffing toys, and finally identified it as a pillow that was marked by one of the cats who is now on the endagered species list.
Well, she gotta faceful of cat piss and was not amused in the slightest.
I however, was laughing my ass off 20 minutes later when the South Park cat urine huffing episode came on. I mean, what’re the odds, right? If I hadn’t been shaken down by Reingold in the football pool, I probably woulda run out and bought some Powerball tickets.
Watching The Untouchables this weekend, I was reminded of two things: 1.) Kevin Costner is a movie star, not an actor, and 2.) Billy Drago is menacing. Not traditional bad guy menacing, but creepy, pedophile menacing. Man has the kind of look that says “I will rape and kill your child, but not necessarily in that order.”
When they do the John Mark Carr biopic, they should totally tap Drago and give the man an Oscar. Let those years of B-list obscurity finally pay off.
Oh, you poor bastard. I feel the need to buy you a beer every time you stare off into space on the interview couch with the look that says “I welcome the sweet, sweet kiss of death.” Maybe next season will bring the focus back onto your brood of charming little tykes, (not including Mady… she’s the devil), and less on Kate’s OCD and verbal abuse.
Or maybe a drinking habit for you next season? That’ll liven things up. Hannah: “Daddy? Why did you sleep out in the front yard last night?” You: “Oh, daddy drinks to forget honey. Daddy drinks to forget.”
Be strong, trooper. Rest up, because puberty is gonna be hell in your house.
Posted on December 12th, 2008 by Brad, Head SOB in
1-15-09 On the web at: www.adaywithoutthemiddleclass.com
I was listening to the news on the drive in on Wednesday discussing the day of action in opposition to Prop 8 in Califormia encouraging people to call in gay to work, to shed light on the contributions of the gay community on our economy. This was very similar to the Day Without An immigrant on May 1st.
The May 1st actions did more to bring attention to the plight of illegals than crippling the economy, as seemingly did the 12-10 action. I’m the first to admit, I’m not up on my demographics, but I’d hazard to guess that maybe 20% of the US population identifies themself as being an immigrant, and the oft referenced 10% for gays is probably pretty feasible.
I thought about a far larger group, that encompasses many members of these groups and hundreds of millions more… the middle class. As a member, I’ve had it with my tax money being used to bail out corporations and institutions that have made blatantly stupid decisions. Banks that lent money to people who didn’t have a prayer of paying them back don’t need a bailout. They need an economics 101 lesson. Automakers who didn’t see the market trends and continued to make gas guzzling SUV’s only to realize the error of their ways and started making muscle cars again aren’t worthy of my money. If I wanted to give Ford, GM and Chrysler money, I’d buy their stock. It’s Darwinism. It’s the free market.
I am setting out to make 1-15-09 a day without the middle class. We have been over-looked, overburdened and overtaxed for way too long. Please check out www.adaywithoutthemiddleclass.com for our full statement. If the middle class contributes nothing for a day, Washington will hopefully see our value, and extend a little appreciation for what we do, instead of demanding obedience for more money and more work.
Of course, the average member of the middle class cannot afford to take a day off, so it’ll probably be business as usual on January 15th. Or not. Time will tell.
– Brad Gagne, Lunch Break Revolutionary
www.adaywithoutthemiddleclass.com
Buddy of mine, Russ chimed in with a tale of woe from his experience with Citi. I’ll let the copy and paste tell the tale:
Sara and I charge every dime we spend to our Citi Rewards Mastercard.
We just pay it off every month and gather the Rewards points. (You
get maybe a penny or two on every dollar..it adds up though.)
This month, inexplicably, they put a little note in our statement
saying our APR was increasing from 12% to 20%. This was particularly
strange, because we haven’t carried a balance for years, if ever, so
that it accomplished nothing other than irritating me.
After a protracted back and forth with their customer service, here
was my goodbye message.
–
Dear Citi,
I suppose we both knew that this day was coming. Our relationship has
been on the rocks for some time. For you it’s been the terms
changes…one day you lower my rate to 12%…the next day you’re in a
huff and it’s 20%.
Well…I’ve been using other cards on the side too. I suppose you
knew that…you didn’t ask when my propane bill didn’t appear in my
activity last month, but maybe you figured it out.
It seems like only yesterday that it was 1997 and I was a little
freshman and you won me over with that t-shirt. But, we’ve both grown
in different directions…I’ve been working, and you’re…you
know…getting some money from the government…I’m sure things will
pick up.
I think it’s time we went our seperate ways. I’ll be back for my
Thankyou Points. Please…no more convenience checks…it would just
be awkward for both of us…
Good luck,
Russ
The response:
“Thank you for contacting us. As you requested, we have removed your
name from our mailing lists used for promotional offers. Please allow
30 days for your request to take effect.”
Well at least they read my whole message.
I’ve got some random mp3’s in my collection, namely some classic TV themes. They’re fun to have in the collection on shuffle because you never know what you’ll get. I’ve got a ton of Bud Light commercials and Simpsons quotes for that very same reason.
Thining more about it, any theme involving Glenn A Larson or Donald Bellisarius is money. Battlestar Galactica? Magnum PI? I always drive a little faster when the Knight Rider theme comes up. Sure, I might be behind the wheel of a soul sucking minivan, but it just feels like southern California in 1983 outside.
I got thinking that I got on the the kick at a recent wedding. The bride and groom’s parents walked in to the Magnum PI Theme and the bride and groom walked in to the Greatest American Hero. I walked in to The A-Team. Coolest 20 seconds of my life.
Course, when the My Little Pony theme comes up, and I’m driving with no children in the car, I get the sudden urge to drive into a bridge support. But that’s just me.
Sunday morning, D1 commandeered the remote from me. I was watching the news, getting educated in world affairs. And what happens? I go from Channel 7 news to Nick in the blink of an eye. What do I see? Age regression.
As the timeline goes, in 2028, Miranda Cosgrove’s career hits the skids, she plays Velma Kelly in some revival of Chicago, but can no longer find work. Time travel has been perfected by this time, so she finds employment in another era by coming back to 2008 and reads the news in Boston. Since she looks to be about 1/3 Asian, she can pull off the assumed name Janet Wu.
Posted on December 8th, 2008 by Brad, Head SOB in
Life <!– #toc, .toc, .mw-warning { border: 1px solid #aaa; background-color: #f9f9f9; padding: 5px; font-size: 95%; } #toc h2, .toc h2 { display: inline; border: none; padding: 0; font-size: 100%; font-weight: bold; } #toc #toctitle, .toc #toctitle, #toc .toctitle, .toc .toctitle { text-align: center; } #toc ul, .toc ul { list-style-type: none; list-style-image: none; margin-left: 0; padding-left: 0; text-align: left; } #toc ul ul, .toc ul ul { margin: 0 0 0 2em; } #toc .toctoggle, .toc .toctoggle { font-size: 94%; }@media print, projection, embossed { body { padding-top:1in; padding-bottom:1in; padding-left:1in; padding-right:1in; } } body { font-weight:normal; font-family:’Times New Roman’; color:#000000; widows:2; font-style:normal; text-indent:0in; text-align:left; font-variant:normal; text-decoration:none; font-size:12pt; } table { } td { border-collapse:collapse; text-align:left; vertical-align:top; } p, h1, h2, h3, li { color:#000000; font-family:’Times New Roman’; font-size:12pt; text-align:left; vertical-align:normal; } –>
I think warning labels should be put on beard trimmers. **WARNING** Do NOT use this equipment while drowsy or under the influence. That’d save me some heartache for sure. Since I started sporting my beard, I’ve had two go-to cuts: goatee in spring, summer and fall, and the full growth for the winter. It gets kinda patchy and thin under the chin, and I have diminutive slow growing stuff over my lip, so I gotta tread lightly and work with what I got.
I’ve got two goals in mind: for the goatee I try to target the one Charlie Sheen sported in the Three Musketeers, and I wanna rock a William T. Riker beard in the winter. Shit was tight.
Well, after watching some CSI I thought I’d go with the best B-list beard ever: The Grissom. Gil Grissom sports the best beard on TV today. A little bushier than the Riker, and nothing below the lower lip.
I figured I could do that up easily, but I needed to trim up everything else a bit to make it tight. SWMBO bought me a Norelco setup for my birthday and its got every attahment known to man available. (My nose hairs are trimmed to a precise 3/16 of an inch… thank you honey). So, I did up the sides, evaluated the length, lowered the guard some more, took a bit more off, checked it out, lowered it a bit. Finally, I’m on the lowest setting, and it’s still too long. I wonder what’s going on as I do one pass against the grain and GGGGGRRRRUBBBBTTTTTTTT! a shower of hair lands in the sink. Oh, so THAT’s what the lowest setting looks like on my face.
My beard looks like it’s about a week after its last round of chemo. The Grissom is gonna have to wait.
Posted on December 7th, 2008 by Brad, Head SOB in
Life <!– #toc, .toc, .mw-warning { border: 1px solid #aaa; background-color: #f9f9f9; padding: 5px; font-size: 95%; } #toc h2, .toc h2 { display: inline; border: none; padding: 0; font-size: 100%; font-weight: bold; } #toc #toctitle, .toc #toctitle, #toc .toctitle, .toc .toctitle { text-align: center; } #toc ul, .toc ul { list-style-type: none; list-style-image: none; margin-left: 0; padding-left: 0; text-align: left; } #toc ul ul, .toc ul ul { margin: 0 0 0 2em; } #toc .toctoggle, .toc .toctoggle { font-size: 94%; }@media print, projection, embossed { body { padding-top:1in; padding-bottom:1in; padding-left:1in; padding-right:1in; } } body { font-weight:normal; font-family:’Times New Roman’; color:#000000; widows:2; font-style:normal; text-indent:0in; text-align:left; font-variant:normal; text-decoration:none; font-size:12pt; } table { } td { border-collapse:collapse; text-align:left; vertical-align:top; } p, h1, h2, h3, li { color:#000000; font-family:’Times New Roman’; font-size:12pt; text-align:left; vertical-align:normal; } –>
I’m a renaissance man, that’s all there is to it. SWMBO went out shopping, and I taught D1 how to braid. Now, that’s something dads usually don’t do in the natural if stereotypical family unit. But I did it damnit.
I taught my girl how to braid. Yeah! Booyeah! [Hip thrust] Uhhh!
