..:: Comcast Can Kiss My Ass ::..

Suddenly, we were unable to make outgoing calls.  On my first chat into Comcast we ascertained that we could not call within 603.  Then the rep reset my modem remotely and lost the chat.  What follows is my second, rather punchy chat.  I can’t believe I worked in a classic Zork reference too.

Brad > Unable to dial to numbers in 603 area code. Abandoned by support rep.
Need resolution.  Tired and cranky.  Proceed with caution.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Hello Brad_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat
Support. My name is Maryjo	Bacolod	. Please give me one moment to review
your information.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Hi, how are you today?

Brad_ > Tired.  Please make this quick

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I’m sorry it has inconvenienced you.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I’m sorry it has inconvenienced you.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > To further assist you, please give me the account
holder's name, full service address and account number.
Brad_ > You can pull the transcript from my recent chat with rep named
Katrina

Brad_ > Just entered that.  You don't have it?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I'm sorry but I still don't have your information here.

Brad_ > {{Address and phone redacted]].  I'm not gonna get the account
number fr you.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Thank you for that information, Brad.

Brad_ > Rep Katrina ran through many resets and line tests.  In all cases all
lights on modem remained steady green except a blinking Battery light

Brad_ > Calls come in, long distance calls work fine, no calls within 603 area code

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I am performing a health check on your system;
this is a proximity check on your services to see that they are working correctly.

Brad_ > Cool.  We passed a health check before.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I want to make sure I give you the complete and updated,
Brad . Let me pull up the information I need.

Brad_ > Great

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I can see here that your connection is doing good.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Let me go ahead and work on your concern for you.

Brad_ > Sweet, thanks.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I am happy that I made you happy despite with you
concern right now.
Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Please give me a minute or two while I pull up your account.

Brad_ > We'll see about being happy.  I gotta full belly from Thanksgiving, and
I'm crashing hard
Brad_ > This is the last thing I need right now

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I will try my very best to help you with your concern today.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Brad, may I know when did you have your Comcast
Digital Voice installed?
Brad_ > I'd hope you could tell that from my account info.  Maybe 6 months ago (?)

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I see.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Please verify your Comcast Digital Voice number.

Brad_ > My gut tells me there's something screwy with the modem -- the battery
light is blinking, and when modem is unplugged it's totally dead

Brad_ > Number is still [[redacted]].  Hasn't changed form start of chat.

Brad_ > But it might if I dump you bozos and go with Verizon

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > We are trying to resolved your issue, Brad. 
Maryjo	Bacolod	 > We value your business.

Brad_ > Well, show it.  Let me make local calls.  I might have lofty expectations,
but local calls would seem to be the easiest thing you guys could do and
should be able to respond to immediately.
Brad_ > For all I know, my modem is shot, so if we lose power and have to
call 911 I'm not going to be able to.
Brad_ > I don't want to have to worry about a basic service like that.

Brad_ > Hello?

Brad_ > Helllllloooo?  [Tap] [Tap] [Tap] This thing on?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Yes, I am still here Brad.

Brad_ > Any service upgrades in the area maybe?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I am still checking on your account.

Brad_ > The last rep was checking on that about an hour ago then dropped the line

Maryjo	Bacolod	 >  Let ma check on that, Brad.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Don't worry Brad I will not leave you and I will try my very best to help you resolve your issue.

Brad_ > Seriously?  Still checking on the account?  You moving info with pneumatic
tubes over there?

Brad_ > Unreal.  Simply unreal.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I am also checking on your connection to make sure that we
can be ale to resolve you concern.
Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I will try to do something here on my end, Brad. 

Brad_ > Wish I copied the last transcript so you could see what's been done already

Brad_ > This is a painful rehash and retread

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I will reset your EMTA here on my end, is that ok with you?

Brad_ > You seriously don't have any records of the chat from an hour ago?

Brad_ > Reset my what?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > No, I don't have the chat transcript from your previous chat Brad.

Brad_ > I was so much more awake and charming then.  Before Comcast did this to me.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I will reset your modem here on my end.
Brad_ > What's this EMTA thingy?

Brad_ > Have at it.  

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > An EMTA is your modem.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Ok.

Brad_ > I've resigned myself to failure, but give it a try

Brad_ > Your reset dropped the connection, I did a power cycle on my end

Brad_ > So far the score is Crapping Out Modem: 1, Comcast: 0

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I apologize for that.
Brad_ > Your script makes you type that, but you don't mean it.  What's next?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Let me check here on my end.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I am really sorry for all the inconvenience

Brad_ > I"m on 90 minutes of pain in this process.  

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I'll try to resolve this the best way I can.

Brad_ > Do you have my account info yet?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I have already pulled up your account info. 

Brad_ > Woo hoo!

Brad_ > Service upgrades in the area?  Dead modem?  What does your gut tell you?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > There are no outages or upgrades currently as far as what
I am seeing here.

Brad_ > I tried swapping to the TEL2 port and that was totally dead

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > The health check looks okay.

Brad_ > That was on the last call.  I don't see it working miraculously.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > May I just ask as to what voice prompt you are getting
whenever trying to dial a 603 number?

Brad_ > "we're sorry.  due to telephone company trouble, your call cannot be completed at
this time.   Will you try your call again later?"

Brad_ > Toll calls work fine.  I can call my voice mail box in Seattle, but not my neighbor

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Also, to better look into your concern, can you provide me a specific
number that you have tried to contact using your phone service with us?

Brad_ > (It's a free, quasipalindromic box... it's cool).

Brad_ > I tried calling my pharmacy -- 437-8100.  Tried placing a reorder for insulin and I can't get through

Brad_ > I fear for my life if we don't resolve this problem.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I really apologize for this. 

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > We have already checked here on our end and everything seems
to be working fine with your phone service.
Maryjo	Bacolod	 > There are no current outages.

Brad_ > Then what's the problem?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > The problem could be with the phone provider of the recepient you are trying to call

Brad_ > Why can't I dial locally?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > But let me also check here on my end. i would need a minute or two for this.
I'll try to contact the phone number you are trying to access/ call.

Brad_ > I tried calling my parents, my cell phone, my wife's cell phone, the pizza place, a girl I dated
in high school, and the animal shelter.  All within 603.  Same bloody telephone company problem
error message

Brad_ > It's a problem with the telephone company, you.  Not the good folks I was trying to call.

Brad_ > I won't sit idly by while you besmirch the name of the pizza place and the animal shelter, good madam.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Let me try to dial it on my end so we can verify.

Brad_ > Please.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Would you allow me two minutes for that?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Thanks

Brad_ > Take three, they're small.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I will try to make a test call to this number you have provided.

Brad_ > Aaaaaaaand....?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Sorry for the long wait.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I tried dialing your pharmacy's phone number and we can access it here on our end.

Brad_ > No problem.  I thought you didn't take your torch and got eaten by a grue.

Brad_ > Cool.  So what's messed up between me and them?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > When do you get the error message. Is it after dialing all the numbers?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Or does it prompt you after 4 numbers dialed.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > or after dialing 603?

Brad_ > I dial the full seven digits, wait about 10 seconds, and instead of the ring, I hear the
faux-British lady telling me the telephone company is screwed up

Brad_ > I'm in 603, I don't need to dial it for local calls

Brad_ > I don't think the faux-British lady is even faux-British.  Probably Welsh

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I see. As per advice of my supervisor, the 603 area code has to be included during the dialing process.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Can you try doing it on your end?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Just to see if it works.

Brad_ > Why would I suddenly have to start dialing 603?

Brad_ > Why wouldn't I have been notified so I wouldn't lose close to two hours of my
life on this issue?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I apologize for that. 

Brad_ > IT didn't work.  I don't trust you or your supervisor

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Still the same error?

Brad_ > I'm tempted to scrounge up some cans and 4.8 miles of string to place my call
to the pharmacy in the morning

Brad_ > Exactly.

Brad_ > Still the telephone company's problem

Brad_ > I"m still the victim here

Brad_ > Still tired and cranky
Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I apologize for this. I know how important it is for you to get your

insulin supply

Brad_ > Uh... yeah.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Are you using a wired handset or is it wireless?

Brad_ > This is total bush league stuff.

Brad_ > It's irrelevant to the discussion.  You're not going to pass this off.

Brad_ > The faux-British lady would've blamed the telephone manufacturer, not the telephone company

Brad_ > What else have you got?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Have you tried dialing any other phone number with a different area code?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Were you able to get through?

Brad_ > Yes, successfully.  My work number in MAssachusetts, and the aforementioned
quasipalindromic voicemail box in Seattle

Brad_ > Zero problems long distance

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Thanks for that information.

Brad_ > In 603 is all buggered up

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I apologize for this. We might have to send a technician to personally
check on your phone lines.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > As far as what we are seeing here on our end, you should have no trouble
dialing local numbers.
Brad_ > Seriously?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Are you amenable to having a technician sent to take a closer look at your issue?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Yes Brad. The health check says that everything should be working on your end.

Brad_ > I can't miss work.  My bosses don't like me inconveniencing them, my clients and the
world at large because of other people's screwups

Brad_ > Comcast screwed the pooch, Maryjo.  They screwed the pooch BIG TIME.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I really apologize you have to go through all of these.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Sending a technician seems to be the best action plan we can have to
fix this issue for good.

Brad_ > Call it free phone and data for 2009, and I'll let your guy in.

Brad_ > I bill at $150 per hour.  I've already lost 2 hours on this tonight.  I think it's the least
you guys could do.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Shall I schedule a technician to visit your place?

Brad_ > Not to mention probably four hours to babysit your tech

Brad_ > This abortion is gonna run me $900, easy.  Call it free phone and data in 2009
and we'll schedule a time.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > May we have a number that a technician can easily reach?

Brad_ > Call it free phone and data in 2009 and we'll schedule a time.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > That is something that you can coordinate with with our billing department.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > But for now, shall we send a technician out to your place

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > ?

Brad_ > Tomorrow, Saturday or Sunday will minimize my inconvenience.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Let me see the available schedules here on my end.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Can you provide me a number the technician can easily contact?

Brad_ > I'll give you a couple.  [[redacted]] is home, [[redacted]] is my cell.  VM is [[redacted]].

Brad_ > Tech will have to be patient if I can't respond, cuz you know, I CAN'T MAKE LOCAL CALLS

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Brad, shall we have it scheduled in the AM or the PM?

Brad_ > It depends on the day.  I'll be available AM or PM tomorrow, SAturday or Sunday.
Beyond that, I'll probably be fired, so I don't want to have to deal with that eventuality.

Brad_ > Comcast has already messed with my health, they're not gonna get my job too.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > A technician will contact you within the day to talk about the details of
them coming out to check on your phone service line.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I already indicated in your account as to what your preferred schedules are

Brad_ > So, no available schedules can be seen on your end?

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I have indicated that the fix has to be done with urgency as you have a medical condition.

Brad_ > I pretty much expected failure.  I braced myself for it.  Accepted it, and have embraced it.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I'll make sure these notes are really placed on your account.

Brad_ > Oh, after all the pie I ate, I'll be lucky to see sunrise.

Brad_ > Really?  Katrina told me the same thing, and we see how well that all worked out.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I apologize for all the inconvenience.

Brad_ > So, I have no trust in Katrina and your supervisor.  Don't fail me, Maryjo.

Brad_ > You're my one ally on the inside there.  

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I really did my best and checked everything on my end just to provide
a resolution to your concern.
Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I hope I don't, Brad. 

Brad_ > I'm sure you did.  I just think Comcast is a lumbering bureaucratic monster.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Having this issue resolved for you is of utmost importance to me.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I am so sorry if you feel that way.

Brad_ > Kind of like a retarded Godzilla.  It isn't ill intentioned, but it can't help but knock stuff over

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I hope you get better with what you're currently going through

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I really do

Brad_ > We'll see.  Unreal.
Brad_ > Simply unreal.

Brad_ > Well, thanks for moving this through as you did.  

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > You're welcome

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Thank you for your patience.

Brad_ > Feel free to kick this up for supervisory review.  YOu worked exceptionally

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > I really appreciate it.

Brad_ > Comcast itself is screwed if you weren't able to get an answer, but you did the best
with what you had to work with

Brad_ > Which was frankly not very much

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Thank you.

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > You have a wonderful day ahead of you, Brad.

Brad_ > You too.  

Maryjo	Bacolod	 > Thank you for contacting Comcast Livechat Support.

Brad_ > [Sarcastic thumbs up]  Thanks!