..:: The Rules For Kicking Your Spouse Out Of Bed ::..

Be it heretofore and hitherto enacted, these are the rules that must be abided by whenceforth in relation to exhiling your spouse from the matrimonial bed.

1.)  Clearly define and establish the grievance.  Your spouse is a simple creature and needs to be spoonfed relevant and pertinent information.
2.)  Make the banishment clear and tolerable.  Blanket and pillow outside the door is sufficient enough to convey your wishes.
3.)  Allow safe passage into the bedroom for a period of time not to exceed three (3) minutes to collect personal effects, such as anything your spouse will need that night, including clothing and fineries for the next day.
4.)  The spouse doing the banishing is solely responsible for unsetting the alarm of the exiled spouse, because that spouse will surely plead ignorance the next morning as to not even thinking to turn their alarm off.
[Addendum to #4] The exiled spouse is solely responsible for setting his/her own alarm in their alternate accommodation. For added effect, being out of the house prior to their initial alarm at the side of the marital bed going off is a coup de grace properly executed by veterans of the couch who view it as ‘camping.’
5.) The exiled spouse is to be left to wonder what precipitated the banishment if no formal announcement of terms of banishment are provided.  He/she will more than likely look at it as a thoughtful act on the part of the spouse doing the banishing so as to not disturb their enjoyment of quiet slumber while the banished spouse chooses to stay up an extra half hour, watch an episode of 24 with some bourbon on the rocks.