..:: Jack Bauer for Secretary of Defense ::..

Thanks to my partners in crime at work, I now have in my posession seasons 3 and 4 of 24.  Now, I had a lapse between the second half of season 1 and the start of season 5 with my own time with the feds.  It’s tough to feel like you’re as integral to the safety of a nation as Jack Bauer is when you wear a uniform with a sew on badge, but for the record, no American Eagle planes crashed into the Capitol during a state of the union address on my watch.  Me and my crew were just that good.

Anyways, after watching episode 1 of season 3, I’d totally take a smack-addicted Jack Bauer as SecDef. He’s got that old school Rumsfeld way about him.  Beyond Rummy’s old man, “hey you damn kids, get offa my lawn” approach to foreign policy, Bauer would roll up his track mark covering sleeves and waterboard some al Q himself.  I mean, he could take a solution package to Obama and it would run like this:

Bauer:  “Mr. President, we’ve located the cave in Tora Bora that bin Laden is hiding out.”
Obama:  “Good work, Jack.  What are our options?”
Bauer: “We could send in SEAL Team Bravo armed with long arms and tight air support with AC-130’s.  Maybe outfit the 53rd tactical air wing with 15,000 pound MOABs and rattle the rocks.”
Obama:  “Loud and messy, Jack.  The Pakistanis will never accept it.”
Bauer:  “Those options will only guarantee 70% success in neutralizing the threat.  To guarantee his death or capture, I’ll need to be dropped in the area with a leather satchel, Hathaway shirt, a cell phone, two batteries, a .45, 19 full clips and a bologna sandwich.”
Obama:  “Is that all you’ll require to capture the most hunted man on the planet, Jack?”
Bauer:  “Yeah, that’s too much gear.  I’ll leave the sandwich and be back by four in the afternoon.”

Fucking LOVE me some Jack Bauer.